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Shut-up and Trouble
In a small town in California there lived two boys, Shut-up and Trouble. These boys were friends, but every once-in-awhile they would get into a fight. One time after they had both just gotten ice-cream, Trouble's ice-cream fell. Trouble then stole Shut-up's ice-cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but eventually lost him, sat on a curb, and started to cry.
A police officer pulled up and asked, “What's your name?”
“Shut-up.”
The officer got angry and asked the same question again and got the same reply. Finally, he asked the same question and got the same reply and then said, “Boy, are you looking for Trouble?”
And Shut-up said, “Yeah, that fool stole my ice-cream!”

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Как утомить людей

Ух, этот невозмутимый мужчина меня уже замучал!! Как его достать наконец-то? Как заставить его обратить на меня внимание? Нужно как-то всколыхнуть его непоколебимость. Если вы оказались в подобной ситуации, вот вам пособие по этой теме! Sing the Batman theme incessantly. Ask people what gender they are. Practice making fax and modem noises. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..." If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Speak only in a "robot" voice. Blow your nose when some one is eating. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "eat away your food " ! Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Name your dog "Dog." Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training." Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace." Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person." Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." Drum on every available surface. Staple papers in the middle of the page. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. Set alarms for random times. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. only type in lowercase. dont use any punctuation either Repeat everything someone says, as a question. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. Chew on pens that you've borrowed. Wear a LOT of cologne. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture." Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. Never make eye contact. Never break eye contact. Make appointments for the 31st of September. Invite lots of people to other people's parties. And finally........recommend our site to them :-) Источник: http://www.indianchild.com/ways_to_annoy_people.htm
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